Who are the three people you most want to fix/change?
How has fixing people worked for you in the past?
Many people, maybe even most people, become even more entrenched when they sense others are trying to fix them.
Has anyone ever tried to fix you? What was that like?
When couples go to marriage counseling typically both are going to fix each other. More often than not, while the counselor may address marriage issues, the goal is to get each individual in the marriage to work on his or her own issues.
If you want to fix someone, work on fixing your need to fix others. (Not that others don’t need fixing.)
Interestingly, when we work on ourselves, change our own way of relating/patterns of behavior, sometimes others around us change. Don’t hold your breath on that, but often the best chance of changing others is to change ourselves.
Now there is at least one exception to this rule. It has to do with impacting change in a system, family or larger group. That issue will be addresses in the next blog on Family of Origin 101.
In the meantime, a good book to read is Friedman’s Fables (Edwin Friedman).